PJ Vescovi

 

I wish we had a holiday that celebrated  singles. Especially the people who are waiting without compromising, and  resisting social pressures to be in something they aren’t ready for.  Talk about impressive.

I’ve learned that loneliness can be a great motivator or great manipulator, and is responsible for most relationship blunders. If left unchecked, loneliness can introduce lies that will hold your heart hostage. When put in proper perspective, being alone can be extremely empowering and beneficial.  For many reasons, people have a hard time separating being alone from being lonely.

I believe this shift happens in your mind, and is reinforced by your beliefs. We can look at our relationship delays in one of two ways.

1. I’m destined to be unhappy and there must be something wrong with me.
2. I’m destined for great things, and have been given an opportunity to prepare.

Most people don’t view singleness as an opportunity, they view it as a status. And while obsessing over what they lack, they fail to embrace what they’ve been given. You might be asking, what have I been given?

For starters, TIME. Time to pursue dreams, a healthy lifestyle, stability and passions. Time to develop a set of standards, values and boundaries that lead to a healthy life and healthy relationships.  A chance to take risks and explore opportunities that having a family make more difficult.

But in order to thrive as a single person, you still have to deal with loneliness, and break its back by changing your beliefs. I’ll admit that it’s easier said than done, but the process is very rewarding.

So here’s a couple ways:

1. Get outside yourself

One of the hardest things to resist during periods of pain, is self-medication. For some, its Ben & Jerry’s,  dark chocolate , binge-shopping and long days on the couch or in bed.  For others, it’s getting drunk, high or some other un-healthy vice. But regardless of the drug of choice, they’re all powerless to heal you from pain and loneliness.

They say time heals all wounds, but I’ve never met anyone who testified of that. The truth is, the best way to receive healing for your pain, is to find a way to help someone else’s. That’s right, focus on somebody other than you.

“But I need someone to help me?” I get it, but hear me out. The times in my life where I battled loneliness and depression, were times I allowed my pain to isolate me from the needs around me. Serving others has always reminded me , that it’s not about me. Your intentional thoughtfulness just might be the answer to someone else’s prayer.

As bad or as lonely as you may feel, there are people in the world who have it much worse. Make it your mission to spend time with someone you know has no friends. Reach out and have dinner with a lonely relative or neighbor. Find a little brother or sister to mentor. Make helping others a lifestyle choice.

I believe you’ll find the interactions rewarding and refreshing. Instead of feeling lonely and isolated, you’ll realize that we’re all just in this together and need each other to succeed.

Take some time and ask God today “Who needs me?” you’ll be amazed at the opportunities that come your way.

2. Choose to Grow

It’s crazy, but it took a period of deep loneliness for me to discover some of my greatest strengths and joys. For starters, journaling revealed to me how much I enjoyed writing. As a finance major, this was a scary discovery.

I also started preaching and teaching during the same time, which I never in 100 years thought I would do. To this day, communicating and messaging have become  big passions of mine, and it took a season of loneliness to discover it.

I wonder what a season alone might reveal in you? What passions and areas of gifting remain untapped? You have an amazing opportunity to find out!

Focus more on excelling at your job. Take some personality tests, take on a new hobby, or volunteer more at your church or a hospital. The process of self-discovery  is exciting and empowering. Instead of focusing on what your missing, you’ll be amazed at what you get to do.

Who you choose to become now, maximizes the spouse you’ll be later.

3. Search for Truth

One of my favorite scripture verses is Proverbs 25:2 which states “It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings to search them out.” I believe that some of life’s rarest truths have been hidden for those who will search relentlessly for them.

The greatest of these truths are revealed in God’s written word, waiting for us to discover.  When applied to our lives, they expose lies and yield incredible results. They reveal a Father and Friend, who has the power to change us from the inside out.

In my case, I realized I wasn’t alone, but more available for a relationship with a God who loves me. The Bible became a passion,  instead of something I just tolerated. What I couldn’t focus on for five minutes, now resides in my heart, ready to be applied to my life’s challenges.

Think about this. You are one revelation away from a life change. One truth stands ready to provide you with the hope and wholeness you’ve been needing. What are you waiting for? Go find it!

If you’re single, or if you’re in a relationship and still feel lonely,  I want to encourage you. You’ve been given a gift! A chance to dance with the King of everything, and explore the depths of His will for your life. If you’re willing to let go of what you think you want, He will show you a way and a love deeper than you ever thought possible.

Let’s ditch loneliness and embrace the chance to be alone.

Pj