Lies are an attempt to steal the truth from us. And if its Truth that leads to freedom (John 8:32)  then we can draw the conclusion that lies aim to steal our freedom.

One of my favorite verses is found in Romans 8:31 & 32 and reads as a set of powerful rhetorical questions.

 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?

What an amazing perspective to be armed with. Knowing that as you navigate through life, God is completely with you and for you. As you mediate on and apply them  strength, hope and faith will build and you will find courage to confront any lie you face.

With that said, I want to tackle this final lie, which I believe is the most devilish of them all. It’s often the finishing blow. Once you’ve been convinced you that you’re not “in love” and your spouse can’t make you happy,  this one attempts to give you an exit strategy.

This lie, planted deep in the minds of so many is:

I married the wrong person.

This lie causes you to question the sovereignty of God and place the weight of God’s ability to move on your own decision making and capacity to love.

This lie attempts to give you a good reason to quit.

Common phrases said by people wrestling with this lie are “I don’t know how much longer I can take this” or “If I knew then, what I know now, I wouldn’t have said yes”

Or……“I was young then, I’m a different person” – Of course you are! We all change. If you are still the same person you were  at 18 or 25 that may be why your relationship is suffering!

**Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there are instances where people made a terrible or rushed marriage decision.  And if you are in a relationship with physical, mental or emotional abuse, you should leave right away. If this is you, there is usually overwhelming evidence and abuses that warrant a separation.

But in most instances,  “I married the wrong person” comes from someone looking for an exit from covenant because they’re not happy. Sometimes the marriage can grow so cold and painful , that it seems like divorce is the best option.

This lie attempts to sow seeds of regret in your life and cause you more pain. And often it comes at the most inopportune time. Crisis or pain hits home – and enemy tries to set up shop in the place of our vulnerability or pain.

The tactic -is  to offer you relief in the present, in exchange for regret in the future. The enemy will offer you instant gratification in exchange of long-term pain. God on the other hand will ask you for patience and trust, and in exchange will bless your life with something only He could give you.

I’ve noticed that when the enemy lies, he provides flawed evidence to support his lie. We have to recognize the difference between what is true and what is truth. It may be true that something painful happened to you and that your relationship is on life-support. But the Truth is, God able to work all things together for your good. You can accept what is true, but still dwell and believe in the truth.

When we go through periods of heartache or deep pain, its critical that we meditate on Truth, and dwell on who God is. Instead of putting God in the box of your pain, we can choose to live in the possibilities of His word.

“The One”

There’s this cultural obsession with finding  “the one.” It just  isn’t a biblical concept. It’s a romanticized, fictional idea that the universe has one person for you. How depressing! What if you miss him/her? What if you marry them it doesn’t work out? Are you then destined to a life of tempered happiness and mediocrity?

No way. Rather, the weight of scripture supports the notion us of becoming the one. Which means giving our heart to God, becoming more like Jesus and trusting Him with the details.  Our focus shouldn’t be running to bars and clubs trying to meet another mistake, but preparing our heart for God to lead us in life. It’s our responsibility to become the right one, it’s God’s (if you let him) to bring us the right one.

What a concept. What faith!

Once married, that practice continues. A marriage thrives when each person is committed to becoming the one their spouse needs. Granted, this isn’t easy. In order for “two to become one flesh” there needs to be a death of “me” and a birth of “us.”

My friend Kenyon says it best. He says “When you attend a Christian wedding, you’re actually attending a funeral. But when you attend a Christian funeral, you’re actually attending a wedding.”

If your marriage is struggling today, please be encouraged.

We serve a God who specializes in redemption.

He’s is both WILLING and ABLE to take broken lives, broken communities and broken marriages and make them way better than they were before. The more broke the situation, the more God is able to show his true power and strength.

If you feel alone in your marriage today, know that prayerful pain is the seedbed of the miraculous. Your battle, is to align you heart with Heaven, and release your marriage to God.

I love this verse in Jame 5:16:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The urgent request of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect

Give God your marriage, and ask him to change your heart. Do this continually and give him space to move. Then invite God to change your heart, your perspective and your thinking. Ask God to help you see your spouse, the way He does. God will radically change your heart. The key to marital restoration, is individual restoration.

Refuse to allow lies to interpret your situation. Dwell in and cling to the Truth of God’s word. Speak it, pray it and allow your mind to be renewed by it. It will change everything.

Once again, I hope that these posts have been enlightening and helpful for you in your relationship journey. I also recognize that the content could spark difficult emotions and painful memories. Please Feel free to contact me if you would like further clarification on points that were made or if you need prayer or direction. You can comment below or contact me privately here.

My wife and I recently shared on this topic at a marriage conference. If you would like to hear it you can do so here.

With Love

PJ